I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
