I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
