I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
