You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
