My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
