Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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