I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
