guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
