I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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