Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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