I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
