I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How does one acquire holy water?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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