Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
