I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
