this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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