She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
