A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
