You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
