I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
