being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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