I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
