i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
