i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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