best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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