I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
how does that bad decision feel?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
