i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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