I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
