He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
