Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
