I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
