just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
