It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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