I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
worst night to have a conscience
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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