I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
