someone threw a dead crab at me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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