I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
