He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
