I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
