Whod you bang
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
