as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
