have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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