I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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