just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have aggressive nipples.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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