I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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