I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
