tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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