mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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