Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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