people are starting to question the shark bite story
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
