What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
