god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he thought i was a dude.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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