made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
