they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
