i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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