in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
