thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
