she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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