I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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