Walk of Shame. In a state park.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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