He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
