It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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