I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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