Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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