So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
