Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
