btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
