You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
